I never thought I'd have to write this post.
I was so dedicated, I was so focused and I was so determined. I stayed on the weight watchers wagon for one year and nine months (and a little bit more) but finally for me the wagon slipped away and I have experienced a falling off.
Don't get me wrong. I have tried weight watchers a million and one times in the past! I fell off the wagon like the best of us and put all the weight I lost back on. I swore this time it would be different, and it was... until now.
It all started with a slip up the week before last. I really wanted a Pizza Hut and I don't know why but I gave in. This happened on a Friday night, and of course it was the most amazing thing I had tasted in a long time. I drew the invisible line and as my weigh day is on a Saturday I pulled it back. That Saturday morning I was the heaviest I have been since reaching goal back in May. My goal weight was 9st 12lbs. My lowest weight reached was 9st 9lbs. Since May I have been maintaining at 9st 12lbs very consistently. I never saw 10st which pleased me greatly. So you can imagine my shock when that Saturday morning I weighed in at 10st 5.8lbs!!!!! Immediately I was back on it and the following week was fine. Phew, one slip up I thought... how could I gain that much!? Last Saturday I weighed in and I was 10st on the dot. Almost back in the 9's and so I was happy. Next week, I thought to myself... I'll be fine.
Well tomorrow is next week's weigh in and I will not be fine!
On Saturday last week my boyfriend and I walked the Shine London Marathon 2012. After that I was rather exhaused, aching and ravenous! The next day I ate my way through the dailies, weeklies and all 57 activity points that I earned that night!
Basically I did not stop eating since then...
You name it, I ate it. I had all of the take-aways, restaurant meals, puddings, chocolates, donuts, pancakes... I can't begin to list it all. I have not eaten like that in such a long time.
I will not eat like that again. Of course, I did not exercise either.
After almost a week of self-abuse I am left with the following:
- Guilt, Self-Loathing, Disappointment, Disgust and all of those kinds of negative feelings.
- I feel gross. My body feels vile. I feel dirty. My insides feel like they are rotting. I feel tired all of the time, I feel sluggish and heavy.
- My body is bloated, feet are swollen, legs are swollen, tummy is fat, chin feels big.
- My clothes are tight, my tops ride up and I can't breathe in my trousers.
- The former fat person is fighting her way through!
Well....
I am not going to let that happen. THANK GOODNESS tomorrow is Saturday! My weigh day, my fresh start day and my chance to get the new old me back!
I am SO looking forward to climbing back onto the wagon. I am SO looking forward to feeling good again. I am SO looking forward to looking good again and I am SO looking forward to liking myself again.
Fingers crossed I can undo the damage I have done to myself this past week. Facing those scales tomorrow morning is not going to be nice. But it has to be done.
Nothing does taste as good as being skinny feels.
Oh dear :( I feel so bad for you!! I know how rigidly you like to stick to the plan so this massive blow out will be hard for you to cope with. However, it's all OK!! You've been good for too long now to totally revert to the old you. You've too many good habits now - and not enough bad ones. You might have temporarily slipped, but you said yourself, you welcomed the fresh start at points reset - that's a WW mindset - not a put on weight mindset. You're ok :) Personally, I feel that relaxing very now and again stops me doing the big binges. I put a few pounds on after getting to goal and I've lost it all in a couple of weeks. That seems natural enough to me and I enjoyed it. But do what works for you - just don't be too tough on yourself. You're so slim now... I know you feel bad with a few extra lbs on but I guarantee you still look great - and healthy! x
ReplyDeletehiya hun, just came across your blog from Twitter, please dont beat yourself up, you're human !!!!!!!! 1 bad week does not mean you've ruined all your hard work, you've not let it spiral, which proves you're still in control....get wi over with, plan a new week and let it go...punishing ourselves is not constructive :)
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