Sometimes I think I know her, Sometimes I really wish I did…”
Britney – 2000.
Sorry to have to use a quote from the wonderful Britney Spears, but this is how I have been feeling lately.
Everyone is telling me how amazing I look, how I don’t need to lose any more weight & how skinny I am now. But I think they are seeing a different girl, than the girl that I see in my mirror.
Don’t get me wrong. I know I have lost a lot of weight, I know I have done really well & changed my life. I know my clothes are smaller. But if I am honest, something strange is going on! My brain has not quite caught up!
Losing weight doesn’t feel (to me) the way it should. How can I even explain it? I have been big all of my life. I mean all of my life. This time, aged 27 is the smallest I have been… I am currently a size 10/12. The thing is, when I was big… size 10/12 seemed unreachable. At size 22/24 I could never dream of fitting into a size 10. When I look at my size 10/12 friends I see them as tiny! I can hardly believe that I can fit into their clothes. When I wear those clothes I still feel like I look like I am at least size 16. How bizarre.
Anyway what I think I am trying to say is… at the moment I am feeling very strange. Although the picture I have posted represents “anorexia nervosa” I think it describes the place I am at right now. I do not see myself as a normal size person… I still feel “big”. I am in no way anorexic or heading there, but I can understand the feelings that they have.
I know I lost this weight fairly quickly, so I know my mind has to catch up with my new body. I hope it does soon. Because the girl I see in the mirror… is not what I thought I would see…
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